Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Mixed Bag

Today has been one of those crabby patty days. It's one that really can test you on many levels.
My husband received a call from his aunt that his mom was admitted to the hospital because she had developed pneumonia. She had not been in the greatest of health but nothing a little oxygen couldn't help. She has had COPD for a longtime. She was dealing with it. Now add in the pneumonia and things aren't looking so hot. So my husband drove to be with her. He is her only child. His father has really never been in his life so it's just been him and his mom. You can imagine how close they are.

As I sit here all I can feel inside is panic. All the what if's?
She live's 4hrs from us. What will I do with the kid's? What if she dies? Will my husband want/need me to be there? Who will take care of our animals? How long will I be gone? What will I pack? What will I tell my son(his Grandma) is his fave grandma.
There is more and the list goes on forever. I don't have a connection with my own mother right now. We have a strained relationship. Some because of my childhood and some because she doesn't understand why I just can't drink like a grown up.
My MIL...she accepts me for the messed up wreck I am.

I just want to calm my nerves in a bottle of Chardonnay.
But I can't and I won't do that. I wouldn't want to disgrace her by doing that. She has 28yrs sober.

Please Mom, get well, I'm not ready to lose you.

1 comment:

Lorraine said...

I hope she's doing better! And I know you'll figure out the details if you have to, but everything seems so much harder when it's tied up with something so emotional.

It sounds like she was just the person that you needed to come into your life. And the 28 years is such an inspiration - she will always be there for you in that way. I'm sending you lots of good wishes for more time with her.