Thursday, March 25, 2010

I Miss my Family

I never thought my heart could hurt this much.
I miss my husband so much. I miss my children so much.
They are all doing fine without me. I'm not doing fine without them.
I know how much I have hurt them. Especially the man I fell in love with.
The feeling in my gut tonight is unexplainable. Every night I cry myself to sleep.
If I get in tomorrow it's only the beginning of the 30 days. If I miss 1 bus I won't get there in time.

I just want a life free from addiction that includes my husband, 3 kids, 1 dog, 1 cat, 7 guinea pigs and my sanity.
Now I need to go so I can go throw up again!

5 comments:

edenland said...

Sweetheart, I hope you are in by now. I hope you are safe, and warm. Just keep going. Try to open your heart to the possibilities of a sober life. It will be better than you ever imagined.

Thinking of you XOX

Wordgirl said...

I'm glad I arrived here.

The hair on my arms is standing up and tears are in my eyes.

What Eden is saying is true; my life without drinking is a different life. The joy comes in through the broken parts even though its impossible to imagine now.

My love and thoughts are with you.

XOX

Robin said...

Natika -- it's been a while. Are you okay? Keep in touch.

Maggie May said...

I wish you the greatest of love and strength in your journey. I have known many people who successfully keep their sobriety even after years and years of addiction, and you can also.

Jason said...

Hey there I was flipping through blogs and came across yours...I know what your going through however my addiction is not drinking...it is a very selfish one non the least. I want you to know it gets better....well I am still working on it and I dont even know you, however after reading your blog and the love you have for your family I know you can do it...Keep Smiling