Crack Pipe!

It is 13 degree's outside right now and as the day warms up, I will be on "crack pipe" alert. That's what the resident teenager calls it. Yesterday by 3pm four of my neighbors had water shooting out their foundations. Now mind you these houses were built in 2000. They're well insulated except for the garages. Outside water spikets just seem to burst. The problem is when the garage area looks like mine. A mess. Equipment, tools, boxes(lot's) kids stuff, you name it. Now if that stuff gets all wet...crap! So I sit and wait! Maybe I shouldn't just sit! Maybe I should get some laundry done! I would do the dishes but the dishwasher started shooting water all over my kitchen yesterday.

It's gonna be a LONG day.

I would just like to be the first person to say, "I love Christmas with the Cranks!" They love elderly people and so do I. I think they have so much to offer. Two things I love in this world. I love new born babies and old people. If I had the choice I would choose old people.

St. Nick

The other day someone informed me that they read my blog. I immediately was intimidated. This person was not someone that I actually didn't really want reading about my family and my personal struggles. I went straight to invited readers only. I haven't written much lately because of a personal tragedy in my and my husbands lives. I however decided that I have a personal need to share. So I guess I just decided that I don't really care that much.

Times are very tough right now. My husband was laid off. Last year my husband went from self employed for over 25yrs to working for a company. He took the job because of the health and dental plan. Also steady work. The company has chose not to use him on their next big project because he makes 3 times what their other employees make. They fricken hired him at that wage and now want him to cut it by $15 per hour. It's not fair. His unemployment keeps a roof over our head and food in our bellies but that's it. I can't seem to find a job in home healthcare. My credentials have all expired after 10yrs and who can afford the new classes. I know I sound like I'm whiny but damn it...I CAN'T HELP IT! I pray every night that things will get better. I guess I should just remember that my family is healthy and all my kids are happy.

I have to make a omission! I LOVE dorky Christmas movies. I think after all these years I know why. Most of those movies are about finding love at Christmas. They are all about St. Nick.

11yrs ago Dec. 18, 1999 I was single again. I had been married for 6yrs before. I was working at a store and they had a company party. I already had two dates for said party but I wasn't really thrilled about either guy. My boss had recently shown me some pictures from her wedding. I noticed one guy( dancing to the Macarena no less) I thought was handsome. I asked my boss who he was and she told me and showed me his hot blonde girlfriend next to him. But that night, the night of the party, he had broken up with that hot blonde. She decided to call him. I protested so much but she did it anyway. Long story, short....I fell in love that night. I have been in love with that man since. We had a surprise that next April, a baby. He was due at Christmas so we named him Nick. Nick will be 10yrs this NEXT year. He was overdue and it was the new Millenium, day two. My son was born in the hours following one of the scariest changes I had ever been through, the year 2000! He didn't end up being "St Nick" but "Nick" perfectly suits him!

One other thing...the gifted writers I follow are so articulate. When I write I realize how much more I should of paid attention in English. My grammar sucks! Sorry!

Um....Really?

I am 42 and it didn't last long.

The Dental Pain

So today I had two teeth pulled, OUCH! Man my mouth hurts. Years of neglect has landed me here. Now on top of it all I have a partial in my mouth. Will I ever get used to it? I am having about $7000 worth of work done over the next few months and I am not looking forward to it. The pain now is nothing I can't deal with it's just something I wish I didn't have to.

On top of everything else my period won't start. It's over 10 days late and it's driving me nuts. I think it's just the start of me getting old.

My guinea pig count as of today is 15. This all because someone accidentally put the boy pig in with the girl pigs and he got all 4 females prego in a matter of hours. I didn't know it was even possible for a pig to have that kind of stamina! It's funny because the boy pigs name is Elvis because he's Elvis with the pelvis! Now to find satiable homes for all these little guys. Elvis is going to make a little visit to the vet so it doesn't happen again, EVER!

Feeding all these pigs is $$$$ ! Between their food pellets, fresh fruits and veggies and well piggie checks at the vet I'll be broke.

I do love my piggies though!

I still haven't drank and I don't miss it. Actually that is a partial lie. I could of used a nice Pinot Gris the other day when it was 107 outside. But I got through and one glass of wine is never enough. I sure do wish I didn't have my parents bad genes. My father (real one, sperm donor) had a drinking problem. I don't know him but I have heard stories. My mother is VERY obese. She doesn't understand why people have problems with alcohol. She always say, "just don't do it!" Well mommy all those knee replacements, back surgeries, diabetes's, foot surgeries and the list goes on....wouldn't be necessary if you would just put that fork down!

I grew up vowing I would never be heavy like my mother. At 42yr I wear a size 10. I'm okay with that. I'm a vegetarian and have been for about 6yrs. With the exception of fish every once in a while I can't even imagine eating meat. I do LOVE cheese. My hubby brought home a hugh platter of sliced cheese from Costco yesterday. It is so fattening but soooo good! I love Asiago cheese. I eat it just cut into slices. Oh and good Gorgonzola. Now I'm hungry and can't eat....SHIT!

Now I am going to be a bum and watch the movie Sunshine Cleaning! I so hope it's good.

Just remember to brush and floss the teeth you want to keep!

I Wish I Could Sleep 13 Hours

This week oldest child moved back home, again! Poor thing just can't seem to get the man thing right. She knows he's not good for her. She is just scarred of being alone. Not to mention the fact she has to move back home to her own room. Now comes the task of moving all her stuff back into storage. This is the 3rd or maybe 4th time.

She isn't as upset as last time but she's still hurting. She leaves for her vay-cay to Hawaii in a couple of weeks so she has someting to look forword to. I can't believe her 20th birthday is next week.

My husband announced he was "having a bad day and going back to bed!" That was at 11:30am. He is still in bed.

So now the fights start. Younger kid's stay up till 2am and sleep till 3pm and oldest works and has to be to work at 6am. Balance that one mom!

So for now I just wear my striped uniform and say....Shhhh, someones always sleeping! Son of a bitch!

July...Oop's

I haven't posted in so long. I look at the blog list I am reading and I see my own. Some how I always put myself last. I always finish reading everyone else and I get my fill of blogs. Mine always goes to the wayside.

In the month between my last post I have done lots. I finished my program and graduated. Yeah me! I'm still sober.

I've done some Kayaking, hiking, boating, and camping. Lot's of outdoor activities. My dog is loving the camping. My kid's, not so much! No electronic devices. My new fave place is Cougar Washington. It is so pretty up there. It only takes about a hour to get there so it's a easy trip.

I wish I had more to say...what I can I say but I don't!

Oh ya, anyone out there want a guinea pig? I now have 9 and one more due any day.

I could freakin wring the piggie rescue for mis-sexing that cute red piggy. Then I would have to wring my own neck for not checking it myself.

Still Sober!

I can't believe how long it's taken me to post again. With camping, school ending this week and my classes, time just flew by.

I am finished with class on July 14! It seemed to go so fast. I enjoyed every minute of it and for that I am thankful. I know so many people in my life that are still suffering. If I have learned one thing from this entire journey it's that you can't force anyone into it. They need to be in the right state of mind in order to succeed. It still breaks my heart for those that still suffer. I wish I could take away the pain and give them a new found freedom.

One day at a time.....

Friday, Again!

Most people look forward to Friday. Me, it the start of routine bending(or so I call it)!

Nothing is ever in a routine. One child is going to a friends after school to spend the night. One husband is flying home. One son is already bored. The car has to go to the shop. The lawns need mowed. The grandparents expect us to drive for 2hrs to spend Sat. with them. The laundry needs done. I need to go to DEQ followed by DMV. I need to pick up kid from friends house before friends parent leaves. It seems never ending.

Maybe I should just go back to bed till Monday?

Crap! I have class today! Crap!

But the one thing that stands out on this friday is...I'm still sober!

Memorial Day

I made it to the Columbia River....yeah! 

Picnic in hand, children in tow!

The beach was full of sun worshippers from all walks of life. It's nice at this park," The Fishermans Bar." At least I think that's the name?

We all played in the river and had a grat time people watching.

Speaking of people watching, why can't I be comfortable with my body to where a bathing suit? Some of these women were a good 200-250lbs and were wearing swimsuits. Me, I'm 5"7 and 143lbs and I am NOT wearing a suit out! Some of these women had two pieces on! I wish I was that confident. I feel out of place wearing shorts.

Off to the Falls!

What happen to the picnic by the river?

Instead he tells me we are going geocaching!

I wanted to sit by the river.

He wants to hike the falls.

So gps in hand we are off to hike the falls. We shall look for some weird trinket that someone else deems worthy of hiding. We shall also hide some strange tricket for the next husband that comes along that decided to drag his poor wife hiking instead of said place by the river! Maybe I shall place a loaded gun in the trinket box....now he'll listen to his wife!

I'm kidding, or am I?

I'm off!

Would You Guy's Please Knock it Off!

My kids are normally loud. When I ask them to please be quiet while my husband takes his nap they decide to kick it up a notch.  Why? They decide it is time to wrestle. Time to make one another laugh. Time to drive their mom insane! It's actually not a long  journey to insanity for me, just a short trip.

Why is it that I gained 2lbs over the last month? Could it be those chocolate macadamian turtles from Costco? Why the hell does my husband keep buying them?

What's 13 and has a 2K phone bill?

My daughter and I have a shared family plan with tmobile. It is a seperate bill then the rest of the families. My husband kept forgetting to pay it so he put it on autopay. Imagine our surprise when we got a "book" in the mail from tmobile. My husband opened it only to find a $1300.00 bill for this month. This must be a mistake, right? Nope! My daughter had gone over her text messages that much. So hubby calls tmobile only to discover last months was almost $400.00 and this month(1 1/2 week into the bill) is already at $500.00! She has over 5000 text messages. Now I ask you, How does anyone who's getting A & B's have that much free time on their hands?

WTH?

Tmobile has agreed to take the current $500 off but thats it. We have been a loyal customer for over 15 years. We have 5 cell phones through them. We normally pay about $300 a month for them.  Don't you think they could of reduced the charges a bit more?

On a side note...The 13yr old does not know she now has unlimited texts. She won't know because she needs to have her phone surgically removed (if you get my drift)!

Long Beach

This was a wonderful weekend. We went to Long Beach Wa and enjoyed the coast just the three of us. It was beautiful in the afternoons. Sundy was overcast and a bit cold but it was still wonderful. We let the dog off lead on the beach for the first time. She's a Siberian Husky so thats never really a good idea but she did very well. She would just bolt but then return never letting us out of her sight. It was nice to get to see her run free. The coast is always a place where I feel free. The wind and the sounds of the ocean make me feel refreshed and renewed all over again.

The cottage we stayed in was in Seaview. It wasn't what we would of picked if we had driven by it instead of finding it on the internet. It was ok. We didn't spend much time there so it was tolerable.

The beach was so empty compared to if we would of gone to Seaside, Or. It is such a packed beach. I really don't know why Oregonians only stay on that side. Oh well, more places to stay for us!

Very pet friendly in Long Beach area.

Is She Nuts?

So today I'm in group. There are ruffly 15 women in my class. The director of the class states to everyone that there are three women in the class that she thinks are role models. She said these three women are the women that they should turn to for insperation. Low and behold one of those women is none other then......ME! What the hell? Could she have a Masters degree in crazy? I felt extremely uncomfortable and proud all in the same moment. Me, A role model, maybe in the art of wine tasting!

I guess maybe she just see's me differently then I see myself. Probably a good thing!  

Mac & Cheese...oh please!

So once again hubby is out of town.

Mind you when hubby's gone the kids get to pick dinner. I being the veg-head eat almost nothing the kids eat so it's just the two I have to satisfy. 

The boy is the pickiest eater I have ever met. It is grueling at times! The girl eats almost anything. Getting the two to agree on something is almost impossible.

So last night I had no impute from the kiddies that was helpful so I took it upon myself to choose on their behalf. Chicken patties, mac & cheese, and corn. Lame in my head but I still made it.

My son comes running up to me and said, "Mommy that is the best dinner you ever made!"

Who knew it could be so simple! 

Mothers Day

So yesterday was Mothers Day. Now mind you I have very mixed feelings about this so called holiday. On one hand I HAVE to call my mother. Doing it sober, well it bites! I moved out of state so I only have to go home on holidays. I get so tired of hearing about my poor sister. I also have to hear all the gossip about my brothers and SIL's. All the physical ailments she(mom) is suffering that week and so on. I always get off the phone depressed. So I waited until after 8p.m. to call.

I had spent the day with my kids. Happy upbeat kids. I love that. I got flowers and cards. I got Indian food for dinner. I was a happy mommy. Happy until 8p.m when the black cloud poured in!

You would have to know my childhood to understand why my parents can be pretty tough to take.

So on a lighter note...My day is all about this mess I call a house! I do wish I was Samantha Stevens! Twitch my nose and the house would be spotless. But much to my dismay I am not a witch. So I shall spend the day cleaning the litterbox, the toilets and the other things on the plate for this domestic goddess!

I don't have class today but I do have a meeting tonight! 

Another Boring Saturday!

There is something about Saturdays that drives me nuts. My husband is finally home from being out of town all week so Saturday to him is a day of rest. Wake up, sit at PC, eat brunch, go back to bed for a nap, watch the game(any game), eat dinner, and then it's flipping through channels till bedtime! Now I know I could just go somewhere on my own but I miss being with him all week. So here I sit, beautiful day outside feeling sorry for myself.  

On the brighter side.....I still haven't drank!

I Got A Mommy's Day Gift!

I got my mothers day gift early today. UPS brought me a brand spanking new laptop! My husband got it for me after my Vaio died. It actually commited suicide. No warning it just died.

So I am so happy right now!

Tomarrow I have class. I do love the women in it. All of them have such unique problems. I keep thinking how different we all are but we are really the same. I have started to let my guard down. I stop judging them and now I don't even notice how different we all are. I am starting to realize that my problems sometimes pail in comparison. But I'm there and I'm making strides at becoming the person I want to be.

 Yes I have a home. Yes I have a husband. Yes my children live with me. Yes I have money for food and don't need food stamps. I may be different and I don't have a drug problem but I do love wine. This makes me no different then the rest. I am finding out that I may judge others without even knowing it.

Chelsea Lately is on.....I must watch!

New Baby Syndrome!

I feel like a reborn baby. Things are changing all around me and I'm okay with it. Change used to scare the hell out of me. Now I just know that I needed a change in my life.

I went from never leaving my home to being gone at least a few hours everyday. I put on makeup and get dresses everyday of the week!  If you knew me you would understand what great strides that is for me.

So my daughter has her first "real" crush. At 13, it could be the first time she ends up "crushed" when it's over. So knowing that middle schoolers are fickle, I'm still trying to figure out how to handle it. I just don't want my daughter to turn out like some of her friends have. They aren't bad kids their just not the best kids.

So I'll cross my fingers for a good day today. Hubby is leaving town, AGAIN! I hate his work and all the travel. Off to the airport we must go!

New life...again!

28 days sober! It is not much fun to start over, but it's better than not getting the chance ever again.

Going to meetings. I hadn't been in years. 5yrs without a drink and then I didn't fall off the wagon I dove head first!

Wine is not my friend!

One glass will never do!

Nobody even knew I was drinking.

My husband was (is) always away on business and that filled in the gap of boredom.

Loneliness is not a reason to drink wine.

So for now I will stay sober. One fricken day at a time!

Yah... it"s 9am..........and I hurt! I am soooooo tired of feeling this way! some one out there has to have the answers.... i am so lost! Please someone? Right now I feel like I just want to stop but I can't right now  ...I'm killing myself  by continuing.